Facebook is an awful temptation for time-wasting and triviality, but when you’re a stay-at-home parent, it’s a nice way to share your ups and downs and feel solidarity with other parents and support from friends and acquaintances. For the sake of everyone, I try not to flood my newsfeed with baby-related posts. Here’s a random smattering of posts that I have spared the Internet from over the past year (until now). You’re welcome/I’m sorry.
1. Motherhood is hard.
2. I completely understand how sleep deprivation is used for torture.
3. I was trying to nurse Lars to sleep (desperate times…). Once he was mostly asleep, I gently pulled him off, then slipped in the pacifier. “Sucker!” I grinned to myself—satisfied with both the sneaky move and the clever pun.
4. “Super Baby” is all fun and games until someone gets puked on in the face.
5. We need to have an “It Gets Better” campaign for parenthood.
6. Baby cuddles are the best.
7. Sometimes, in lieu of meaningful adult interactions, I try to work in snarky references to pop culture and current events into my conversation with baby. I am always very impressed with myself.
8. WHY are parents so fascinated with their kids’ poop? Is it because they’re so infatuated with their baby that they love anything about them? Is it a lack of other stimulating topics of concern? Is it ingrained by society? By biology? I don’t understand it, but Dave and I find ourselves discussing it more frequently than we would like to admit.
9. When we were at the National Museum of American History, I had to find a quite spot to nurse. The best bet seemed to be the Star-Spangled Banner exhibit, since it’s really dark and has a bench. It turned out to be perfect—no one noticed us. Plus, a family with two young kids came to sit next to me, and they all quietly sang “The Star-Spangled Banner” together. It was so tenderly patriotic, and I was grateful to be in that place at that moment.
10. I remember reading once that asbestos is generally only dangerous when ingested or inhaled. Well, good thing kids don’t lick or try to eat walls, right? WRONG. THAT IS TOTALLY A THING THEY DO. (Thank goodness we don’t have asbestos in our current abode.)
11. To the designers at DK who slacked off on Photoshopping around the fur of that panda bear and the shadow of those ducklings: I am judging you.
12. Your life isn’t over when your baby starts crawling/walking. It’s over when you can no longer eat a chocolate chip cookie in front of said baby without him understanding that it is something he wants to eat too (and yet he still doesn’t understand after several attempts that bark is not food).
13. Motherhood is the best.
spifftacular. 
Love this post.